Everything about him screamed your future.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
