you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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