You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
