i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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