She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
