I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
