uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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