the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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