Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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