We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
