There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
