oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
