I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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