her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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