My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I met the friendliest cop last night
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
