why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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