I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
