Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
