Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
