True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
