Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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