when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
