Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
