In the future we'll all be gay
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
