then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
