My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
