is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
