Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
