So drunk its hurt
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
