Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
