im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
