there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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