I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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