Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's always time for handjobs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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