one might say we're banned from that church
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
