who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
