I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
