i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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