it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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