please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
