Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
