Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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