this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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