goodnight i made you a song goodbye
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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