I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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