I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
