In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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