so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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