i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
