i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
