when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
