I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
