franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
